As You Turn Away
by ElleLaw
Summary: One-shot inspired and written for my friend HistoryGeek. She heard the song 'As You Turn Away,' by Lady Antebellum and wanted to see what I could do with it! Alex and Casey break up. Processing of each other's feelings and working through the battle of emotions and how to move on after saying goodbye...


**A/N: This one is for you HistoryGeek! I hope it lives up to your expectations! I had fun writing it. )**

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Casey's thoughts...

The break up was mutual. The fighting had become far to much for either of us to handle. Yelling across the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom, was more than either of us could take anymore. The sound of you crying in the shower to much for my heart to take.

Our weekend away, ruined by yet another pointless argument was the final breaking point. That night my heart denied what I was hearing despite my lips agreeing. I heard you say those words, but I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. Why I agreed I am not sure... Is this what you really wanted?

Xxx

Alex sat on the edge of the bed as Casey paced the room furious. What were they arguing about again? It seemed like they could never agree anymore. She was in a constant state of stress when it came to this relationship. Being with Casey was starting to feel toxic despite how much she loved the redhead. Before she thought her words through she spoke, "Casey, I think we need to break up..."

Xxx

Alex's thoughts...

I don't know why I said those words that night. I was so hurt and so tired of arguing. I still don't know what we were arguing about. Why did I say we should break up?

I miss you. I miss everything about you. You messy closet, your shoes by the couch, your discarded wet towel on the floor. I use to resent those things, but now I miss them because it means you aren't around anymore. I really miss walking into the bathroom and smelling your perfume in the mornings, waking up to see your beautiful face before me, snuggling up in your arms on a rainy afternoon, grocery shopping with you and arguing about the brand of coffee we will buy. God I miss everything about you Casey.

Xxx

Casey handed the last box to Elliot as she took her keys in hand and walked into the kitchen where Alex was leaning against the sink drinking a cup of tea. Standing in the doorway, she slowly moved the apartment key from her key ring. With each slow turn of the ring she mentally prayed that Alex would take her shaky hands in hers and beg her to stop. Beg her to stay. Say she wanted to stay together.

As the key came free of the ring all Casey could do was hold it out in her shaky palm. Alex eyed the key like it would bite her if she took it. Looking into Casey's eyes she was so unsure of herself and her decisions. None of this felt right, and it felt any less right when she took the key from Casey and placed a light kiss to her cheek and wished her well.

Xxx

Casey's thoughts...

I don't want to let you go, but you are already gone...

The lyrics to the song I am playing over and over on my iPhone seem like they are speaking to me. You just told me this morning outside the courthouse you want to be friends. I had to tell you no. The look of hurt on your face almost broke my resolve. I tried to explain that I can't be friends with you after being with you. It's almost too hard to be in the same building with you work wise. I decided to stop talking when I saw how close to tears you were...

I felt like a coward walking away right then. I wanted to take you in my arms and beg you to take me back. I wanted to tell you how I can't sleep without you by my side, and how I am miserable and nothing makes me happy anymore. I want to explain how I can only by your coffee now and how I went out and bought your favorite body wash just so I could still smell a trace of you on me.

I want to explain how life seems meaningless without you, and how I was an idiot to not fight for you. I want to tell you over and over till you believe me that I am in love with you. I want to make all your dreams come true.

Xxx

Casey spots the blonde instantly in the coffee shop. They lock eyes for a second as Casey gets in line and Alex goes to place her order. Alex looks beautiful and Casey can't help but stare at her. She wants to say something but doesn't know where to begin. She wants to ask Alex out to dinner to try and fix this awful mess.

Seeing Alex turn around with two coffees Casey's heart sinks. It's been two months. She can partly understand Alex seeing someone, but at the same time she wants to scream how unfair it is because she wants to be with Alex. Life isn't fair.

Stepping out of line, Casey tries to exit the coffee shop quickly before seeing who Alex bought coffee for. Pushing the door open, Casey hears Alex call out, "Casey wait! Casey, I got your coffee for you!"

Freezing in time for a brief moment, Casey turns to see her former lover holding out the cup with a warm smile. Casey doesn't take it though, instead she turns back and walks through the door. She isn't sure why, she just knew it was the right thing to do at that particular time.

Xxx

Alex's thoughts...

I messed us up. I should have suggested anything but breaking up. I should have begged you to stay. I should have suggested counseling. I should have run after you. I didn't do any of those things and now I am paying the price.

I heard the hesitation in your voice that day as you agreed to split up. I could feel it in your kiss that night. I could feel it in your desperation as we made love for the last time. I knew you didn't want to pack up and leave, but I did nothing to stop it. It was a giant mistake and I let it continue to this, me offering you coffee and you running away from me even though I know you didn't want to.

I won't let this be our story. I won't let this be our end. I love you. I am going to fight for you. I will make you mine. I am almost to your office door. I am going to barge in and tell you I want to fix this, I hope you are sitting down.

Xxx

Alex Cabot opened the door to Casey Novak's office. The office was dark and bare. Casey was gone.

Falling to her knees, the blonde cried for wasting all the time she had been given to fix this mess. Why didn't she fight for her? Why did she let Casey go? Why didn't she fight to make it work?

Xxx

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I continue on down I-95. I am south bound for Savannah, GA. I am sorry I didn't say goodbye. I am sorry I didn't take your coffee. I knew if I did I never would have left. You wanted this, if I had stayed it would have just happened again. I couldn't hurt us like that again.

I am so sorry Alex. I am sorry for ignoring your calls. I am sorry, there just isn't anything left to say...


End file.
